I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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