Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
