I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
