Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
