I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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