Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
