PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You are the jesus of drinking
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
