Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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