ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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