I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I want a musical about memes.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
