So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
