Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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