end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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