Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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