Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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