He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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