My hand turned me down
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
