Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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