He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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