First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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