exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
