I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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