Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
