Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
