when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
i out mim tonsoeep
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