i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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