I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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