i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he was CRYING into my vagina
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
