sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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