I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
