I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Acid is not a monday night drug
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
two words: eviction party
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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