All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
