At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
