While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
he fucked my hip out of place.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
