ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
