pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
