remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Is this like a preordered booty call?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
