I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize