i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
