I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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