Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
