Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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