Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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