Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize