real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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