He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
