Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
