looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize