I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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