True but thats because hes a fetus.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
it glows. i had to have it.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
