I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
