Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
