Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
