I want to stick my p in your. b.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
