And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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