My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
