I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
