Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
