My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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