He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
