we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
