how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
