I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
