What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
