dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
