no. you can't hotbox the world.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
