I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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