im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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