Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
