i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
