I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize